Winter grey and falling rain, we'll see summer come again

[lizblackdog]

Just took the dogs out. The night was cold and crispy and the sky clear, and the first thing I saw was a shooting star.

Something I didn't mention yesterday to anybody, online or in the flesh, was that yesterday was the sixth anniversary of John's death. I certainly didn't forget it - rather, I made a conscious decision not to react to it in a sentimental or melancholy fashion. John - although he was both an idealist and a romantic in his own cynical, snarky way - was one of the least sentimental people I ever met, and the last person in the world to expect me to remember our love in any other way except living and loving as hard and as well as I could. So that was what I did.

But the star felt like a tangible, visible sign to go with the less obvious ones of the last few months. For the first time in six years, I dare to hope he may have forgiven me.

Comments

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I am always honest. It's either my one great virtue or my worst failing, depending on your point of view.

[christinuviel.livejournal.com]

Either way, it's something real and true, that you can hold on to, and that gives you strength.

I was afraid to ask exactly who John was ... though of course it was someone very dear to you ... now I've read the other comments, it's even more moving to read your words about being broken, and putting yourself back together again.

Thank you also for your comment about my friend. It's disturbing to realise how much of a daily thing loss really is, how much a part of life. I really admire your strength.