Winter grey and falling rain, we'll see summer come again

[lizblackdog]

Just took the dogs out. The night was cold and crispy and the sky clear, and the first thing I saw was a shooting star.

Something I didn't mention yesterday to anybody, online or in the flesh, was that yesterday was the sixth anniversary of John's death. I certainly didn't forget it - rather, I made a conscious decision not to react to it in a sentimental or melancholy fashion. John - although he was both an idealist and a romantic in his own cynical, snarky way - was one of the least sentimental people I ever met, and the last person in the world to expect me to remember our love in any other way except living and loving as hard and as well as I could. So that was what I did.

But the star felt like a tangible, visible sign to go with the less obvious ones of the last few months. For the first time in six years, I dare to hope he may have forgiven me.

Comments

[orac-zen.livejournal.com]

What with one thing and another this morning I lost track of my point, which was this: You're a good person. You messed up, but in the time I've known you've always acknowledged that fact. And as you say you've gone on. I don't know if I've ever mentioned how much I admire and respect you for that. This seems as good a time as any. It's a measure of you as a person that's very telling. And that's why I ask why John wouldn't forgive you...because if I know that then he did, too. ;)

Be happy. You do deserve it.