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...I totally just set fire to my own tits. GO ME.
...I totally just set fire to my own tits. GO ME.
Meanwhile, my dogs are doing their best to SCARE ME TO FUCKING DEATH. We're walking down Woodbury Avenue and Spike spots a friend of his (Tyke the terrier - somewhere between a JRT and a smooth fox terrier) and lunges towards him in the hope of dragging me across the road to say hello.
And the clip on his fucking leash breaks. There was no traffic at that precise moment but I still wouldn't be actually surprised to wake up tomorrow with white hair. AUGH DOGS.
And the clip on his fucking leash breaks. There was no traffic at that precise moment but I still wouldn't be actually surprised to wake up tomorrow with white hair. AUGH DOGS.
Meanwhile, my dogs are doing their best to SCARE ME TO FUCKING DEATH. We're walking down Woodbury Avenue and Spike spots a friend of his (Tyke the terrier - somewhere between a JRT and a smooth fox terrier) and lunges towards him in the hope of dragging me across the road to say hello.
And the clip on his fucking leash breaks. There was no traffic at that precise moment but I still wouldn't be actually surprised to wake up tomorrow with white hair. AUGH DOGS.
And the clip on his fucking leash breaks. There was no traffic at that precise moment but I still wouldn't be actually surprised to wake up tomorrow with white hair. AUGH DOGS.
Squish gets his own post today. My microwave died, so I'm having to reheat things in saucepans - this is a major pain in the arse, and today I fucked up and switched on the wrong ring on the cooker. So my saucepan's sitting there stone cold, while the ring next to it is quietly setting fire to the potholder and unopened packet of instant custard powder that happen to be sitting on it.
Okay, I wasn't asleep or in the bath or anything; I would have noticed before burning the whole building down. But Squish noticed before I did, and barked furiously at the kitchen till I went and discovered my smouldering cock-up. GET THAT DOG SOME CHEESE.
The snow is all gone now, and I don't expect to see it again this year. Damn, it was fun while it lasted, though. I also learned that Squish, while he likes snow on the ground and snowballs, is terrified of snowmen. I sort of knew this already, but I thought that was a one-off. It's not - we came across two snowmen in people's front yards this week and both of them freaked him out considerably.
( Squishy! )
i know it's not much of a snowman - we really didn't get THAT much snow. It still terrified my special spotted dog. He couldn't decide whether he ought to attack it or run like hell. In the end he compromised by trying to bark it to death from a safe distance. I love my freak dog.
Okay, I wasn't asleep or in the bath or anything; I would have noticed before burning the whole building down. But Squish noticed before I did, and barked furiously at the kitchen till I went and discovered my smouldering cock-up. GET THAT DOG SOME CHEESE.
The snow is all gone now, and I don't expect to see it again this year. Damn, it was fun while it lasted, though. I also learned that Squish, while he likes snow on the ground and snowballs, is terrified of snowmen. I sort of knew this already, but I thought that was a one-off. It's not - we came across two snowmen in people's front yards this week and both of them freaked him out considerably.
( Squishy! )i know it's not much of a snowman - we really didn't get THAT much snow. It still terrified my special spotted dog. He couldn't decide whether he ought to attack it or run like hell. In the end he compromised by trying to bark it to death from a safe distance. I love my freak dog.
Squish gets his own post today. My microwave died, so I'm having to reheat things in saucepans - this is a major pain in the arse, and today I fucked up and switched on the wrong ring on the cooker. So my saucepan's sitting there stone cold, while the ring next to it is quietly setting fire to the potholder and unopened packet of instant custard powder that happen to be sitting on it.
Okay, I wasn't asleep or in the bath or anything; I would have noticed before burning the whole building down. But Squish noticed before I did, and barked furiously at the kitchen till I went and discovered my smouldering cock-up. GET THAT DOG SOME CHEESE.
The snow is all gone now, and I don't expect to see it again this year. Damn, it was fun while it lasted, though. I also learned that Squish, while he likes snow on the ground and snowballs, is terrified of snowmen. I sort of knew this already, but I thought that was a one-off. It's not - we came across two snowmen in people's front yards this week and both of them freaked him out considerably.
( Squishy! )
i know it's not much of a snowman - we really didn't get THAT much snow. It still terrified my special spotted dog. He couldn't decide whether he ought to attack it or run like hell. In the end he compromised by trying to bark it to death from a safe distance. I love my freak dog.
Okay, I wasn't asleep or in the bath or anything; I would have noticed before burning the whole building down. But Squish noticed before I did, and barked furiously at the kitchen till I went and discovered my smouldering cock-up. GET THAT DOG SOME CHEESE.
The snow is all gone now, and I don't expect to see it again this year. Damn, it was fun while it lasted, though. I also learned that Squish, while he likes snow on the ground and snowballs, is terrified of snowmen. I sort of knew this already, but I thought that was a one-off. It's not - we came across two snowmen in people's front yards this week and both of them freaked him out considerably.
( Squishy! )i know it's not much of a snowman - we really didn't get THAT much snow. It still terrified my special spotted dog. He couldn't decide whether he ought to attack it or run like hell. In the end he compromised by trying to bark it to death from a safe distance. I love my freak dog.
Dear Spike,
YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CAT.
SIX FOOT WALLS HAVE SIX FOOT DROPS WHEN YOU COME DOWN OFF THEM.
IF YOU HAD COME DOWN ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU WOULD HAVE LANDED ON CONCRETE INSTEAD OF THAT GREAT BIG SOFT COMPOST HEAP.
DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN.
YOU FUCKER.
LOVE, YOUR STILL-TREMBLING MUM.
...We're in the park and a cat decides it wants to live dangerously. Due to a freakish combination of the cat's chosen escape route and shrubbery and stuff against the base of the wall, he managed to get entirely on top of the wall and fucking RUN ALONG IT.
I swear that fucker's taken ten years off my life in the five years I've had him.
YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CAT.
SIX FOOT WALLS HAVE SIX FOOT DROPS WHEN YOU COME DOWN OFF THEM.
IF YOU HAD COME DOWN ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU WOULD HAVE LANDED ON CONCRETE INSTEAD OF THAT GREAT BIG SOFT COMPOST HEAP.
DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN.
YOU FUCKER.
LOVE, YOUR STILL-TREMBLING MUM.
...We're in the park and a cat decides it wants to live dangerously. Due to a freakish combination of the cat's chosen escape route and shrubbery and stuff against the base of the wall, he managed to get entirely on top of the wall and fucking RUN ALONG IT.
I swear that fucker's taken ten years off my life in the five years I've had him.
Dear Spike,
YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CAT.
SIX FOOT WALLS HAVE SIX FOOT DROPS WHEN YOU COME DOWN OFF THEM.
IF YOU HAD COME DOWN ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU WOULD HAVE LANDED ON CONCRETE INSTEAD OF THAT GREAT BIG SOFT COMPOST HEAP.
DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN.
YOU FUCKER.
LOVE, YOUR STILL-TREMBLING MUM.
...We're in the park and a cat decides it wants to live dangerously. Due to a freakish combination of the cat's chosen escape route and shrubbery and stuff against the base of the wall, he managed to get entirely on top of the wall and fucking RUN ALONG IT.
I swear that fucker's taken ten years off my life in the five years I've had him.
YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CAT.
SIX FOOT WALLS HAVE SIX FOOT DROPS WHEN YOU COME DOWN OFF THEM.
IF YOU HAD COME DOWN ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU WOULD HAVE LANDED ON CONCRETE INSTEAD OF THAT GREAT BIG SOFT COMPOST HEAP.
DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN.
YOU FUCKER.
LOVE, YOUR STILL-TREMBLING MUM.
...We're in the park and a cat decides it wants to live dangerously. Due to a freakish combination of the cat's chosen escape route and shrubbery and stuff against the base of the wall, he managed to get entirely on top of the wall and fucking RUN ALONG IT.
I swear that fucker's taken ten years off my life in the five years I've had him.
My second-worst* dog walk nightmare nearly happened today.
Spike and Squish and I were walking home from the One Stop. We turned the corner from Jewell Road onto Throop Road, and there was an orange cat lounging in the grass on the corner. We nearly stepped on him. The dogs freaked; the cat freaked, and naturally enough, the cat ran like hell.
Right into the road, right into the path of an oncoming car.
Orange cat was probably not feeling lucky today, but he was luckier than he knew. That car was coming round the corner and already going slow, and the driver saw him. When the car came to a stop its front bumper was just touching the terrified cat's back; but the cat was unhurt.
My dogs were on-leash, we were walking along a pavement. They were not chasing the cat or out of control. If the cat had been killed we would have been technically blameless. "Technically" being the operative word here.
I'm just very, very relieved.
* The very worst nightmare would be the dogs breaking/yanking the leash out of my hand and being in the road themselves. This has also nearly happened to Squish once, which is more than sufficient for any one lifetime, thank you.
Spike and Squish and I were walking home from the One Stop. We turned the corner from Jewell Road onto Throop Road, and there was an orange cat lounging in the grass on the corner. We nearly stepped on him. The dogs freaked; the cat freaked, and naturally enough, the cat ran like hell.
Right into the road, right into the path of an oncoming car.
Orange cat was probably not feeling lucky today, but he was luckier than he knew. That car was coming round the corner and already going slow, and the driver saw him. When the car came to a stop its front bumper was just touching the terrified cat's back; but the cat was unhurt.
My dogs were on-leash, we were walking along a pavement. They were not chasing the cat or out of control. If the cat had been killed we would have been technically blameless. "Technically" being the operative word here.
I'm just very, very relieved.
* The very worst nightmare would be the dogs breaking/yanking the leash out of my hand and being in the road themselves. This has also nearly happened to Squish once, which is more than sufficient for any one lifetime, thank you.
My second-worst* dog walk nightmare nearly happened today.
Spike and Squish and I were walking home from the One Stop. We turned the corner from Jewell Road onto Throop Road, and there was an orange cat lounging in the grass on the corner. We nearly stepped on him. The dogs freaked; the cat freaked, and naturally enough, the cat ran like hell.
Right into the road, right into the path of an oncoming car.
Orange cat was probably not feeling lucky today, but he was luckier than he knew. That car was coming round the corner and already going slow, and the driver saw him. When the car came to a stop its front bumper was just touching the terrified cat's back; but the cat was unhurt.
My dogs were on-leash, we were walking along a pavement. They were not chasing the cat or out of control. If the cat had been killed we would have been technically blameless. "Technically" being the operative word here.
I'm just very, very relieved.
* The very worst nightmare would be the dogs breaking/yanking the leash out of my hand and being in the road themselves. This has also nearly happened to Squish once, which is more than sufficient for any one lifetime, thank you.
Spike and Squish and I were walking home from the One Stop. We turned the corner from Jewell Road onto Throop Road, and there was an orange cat lounging in the grass on the corner. We nearly stepped on him. The dogs freaked; the cat freaked, and naturally enough, the cat ran like hell.
Right into the road, right into the path of an oncoming car.
Orange cat was probably not feeling lucky today, but he was luckier than he knew. That car was coming round the corner and already going slow, and the driver saw him. When the car came to a stop its front bumper was just touching the terrified cat's back; but the cat was unhurt.
My dogs were on-leash, we were walking along a pavement. They were not chasing the cat or out of control. If the cat had been killed we would have been technically blameless. "Technically" being the operative word here.
I'm just very, very relieved.
* The very worst nightmare would be the dogs breaking/yanking the leash out of my hand and being in the road themselves. This has also nearly happened to Squish once, which is more than sufficient for any one lifetime, thank you.
.
