Gimme danger every day

[lizblackdog]

I don't know if they're trying to kill me or themselves sometimes.

It's morning. I am sitting peacefully, slowly coming awake with my coffee, and I hear CRASH, THUD, BARK! coming from the hallway. That can't be good.

I go to investigate and Spike is barking at the utility room door. I try and open the utility room door and CAN'T. This is because Naamah and Saffron have got in there (and I swear that door was shut. I think I may need a bolt for it.) and pushed the boxes and the cat carrier (and very likely themselves) off the top of the freezer so that they wedge the door shut from inside. This is the second time Naamah's pulled this stunt, and I'm fairly sure it's deliberate now. I think she likes the adrenaline rush of getting inside the box and then pushing it off the five-foot drop to the floor.

It took me ten minutes to wangle the door open without crushing any cats. Naamah was especially unhelpful, because she LOVES the utility room - so many ways she can break things and hurt herself in there! - and didn't want to leave.

the cats are fine. The cat carrier, however, no longer has any of the plastic catches needed to hold its door on.

*headdesk*

And that's only the first chapter. I put everything back, dug my socks out from behind the fridge and went to take the dogs for first morning walk.

Spike gets frustrated walking on-leash with Squish, because Squish wants to mosey along slowly, investigating every passing scent in depth, stopping to eat grass and taking up to half an hour to make up his mind where to crap. He can't crap on concrete or tarmac, but he hates crapping in long grass (it tickles his sensitive little bumhole), wet grass, wet leaves or anywhere with a trace of interesting scent that might be diluted by fresh crap.

So while CSI Squish is painstakingly analysing every inch of ground we pass, Action Hero Spike is dancing with impatience on the end of the leash, spinning in circles, kicking dirt in Squish's face, playing leash tuggy, going through my pockets and hunting frantically for anything to make those endless agonising seconds pass faster. And I am caught in the middle. Imagine being handcuffed to both Gil Grissom and Jack Bauer while they try and hunt down a criminal together - yeah. Welcome to my dog walk.

Sometimes Spike is really lucky and finds a random object he can designate as a toy. It makes his morning to grab a stick or a discarded plastic bottle and bounce at me with it, or toss it in the air and catch it in his paws and teeth, or just shred the hell out of it if he's feeling especially 'splodey. I don't really mind it; it makes me laugh and I can use those play moments to practise "let go" and give things back to him and - well, it's fun.

Except when his happy fun found object of the day is a fucking four foot long fallen fence slat studded with fucking pointy NAILS. ARRRGH.

Bless him, he put it down immediately when I told him NO. Bastard he might be, but he has an unerring sense for when I really mean what I say. Love my collie.

Comments

[cottonmanifesto.livejournal.com]

thank god mine are good about waiting for each other (generally it's maggie waiting as charlie changes his interal body chemistry so his urine is an appropriate response to whatever message was left by another dog, or as he finds the perfect square millimeter to take a dump on - maggie is all business and doesn't play that, generally).

you should keep the board with rusty nails as your weapon after the apocalypse!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

I don't need a weapon! I have my specially trained nipplebiting attack dog!

I wish Spike was a bit better about waiting. I'm stuck in the middle and I'm forever holding Spike back and pulling Squish along in a vain effort to reach some sort of compromise, so no one's really happy.

it's also hell on the wrists when one is constant pulling forward and one is pulling back. dogs suck.

[pgh-anarchist.livejournal.com]

Mine are all funny about going outside of their own yard. They're much too interested in seeing the world then stopping to go everywhere. Nor will they pick up random objects thinking they're toys. Backyard is a different story. Anything is fair game. And playing keep away is so much fun.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Spike never used to crap anywhere but the yard when we lived at Mum's. When we moved here he was so horrified at being expected to crap on-leash in public that he didn't go for three days.

Now the whole world is his back yard, he likes to cover as much of it as possible in the time allotted for walks. He craps like lightning - blink and you miss it - and he HATES standing still for a moment. Squish drives him nuts.

[kikayume.livejournal.com]

Heh. Maybe a little of column A, maybe a little of column B...

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I can't seem to explain to them that if they kill me there's no one else who can change litterboxes or work the front door key, but they never listen. Bastards.

[james-the-evil1.livejournal.com]

So while CSI Squish is painstakingly analysing every inch of ground we pass, Action Hero Spike is dancing with impatience on the end of the leash, spinning in circles, kicking dirt in Squish's face, playing leash tuggy, going through my pockets and hunting frantically for anything to make those endless agonising seconds pass faster. And I am caught in the middle. Imagine being handcuffed to both Gil Grissom and Jack Bauer while they try and hunt down a criminal together - yeah. Welcome to my dog walk.

That's brilliant!
I know a few ladies who wouldn't mind having those 2 on leashes.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely! I wouldn't kick either one out of bed for farting, myself. But at the same time? Can you imagine how nuts they'd drive each other?

[james-the-evil1.livejournal.com]

Ha!
You'd definitely need to take turns.

[ifpetalsfall.livejournal.com]

It is incredible how truly adorable and irritating they can be all at once...