lizblackdog | I know I'll do the right thing, if the right thing is in fear

Spike is doing awesome well. I had this great long mental list of Things I Was Worried he Might Not Be Able To Do After His Surgery and he has now cleared the list completely. He can eat whole raw chicken quarters, albeit more slowly than before, and he does require them to be handed to him because he has trouble picking them up without his front canines, but once I do that he's good to go. He can gnaw on recreational beef bones, though he has voluntarily ceased his annoying habit of running round the room carrying one when he's very excited or wants to piss Squish off. He can play tug, although he needs to go carefully getting his initial grip right and his back teeth are far more destructive on the tug object than his front teeth were. He can catch tennis balls in midair. He can pick up and carry a football (soccer ball to you Colonials) although it does need to be a bit flabby for him to get a grip - I doubt he could do a fully inflated one any more. He can play the I'M A BIG HARD PROTECTION DOG BITING YOU game with me and he still drops my sleeve the moment I tell him.

My heart thumps every time I look at him. You didn't die, I say to myself in wonder. I got to keep you.

I have not forgotten gratitude or the list of people I am making art for. I love all of you.

I've been having a bad brain week, or more accurately few weeks, hence the lack of updateage. I sort of wanted to write a great long post about panic attacks, drugs, fear and mental illness but ...I don't think I can get any of that out right now. It's too loud and tangled and I doubt my ability to make sense about it. It'll go away and maybe I'll try and write it then. I don't know.

meanwhile, it is my niece Maya's fourth birthday today. FOUR. Holy crap.

oh yes - you know that TV meme that's been going the rounds? I'm too weltschmerzy and low energy to do it myself but my thanks to whoever it was that recommended Fringe. TOTALLY IN LOVE. Am also, as a direct result of said meme, in love with Justified, but I remember who recommended that and she isn't on my list. ANYWAY THANK YOU.

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You don't know how pleased I am that Spike is ok. Your Dad must have been looking out for you both.

I do empathise with the brain stuff, I have a bit of that go on myself on a lesser scale and it's hard.

*hug*

yes, I like to think he was. I asked him to. thanks, darling.

spike makes me so damn happy!

<3 me too! thank you XD

I need to get some decent pictures of his reconfigured face and get someone to make me a bunch of new icons. It's beginning to feel dishonest that he still has his nose in all my Spike icons. And my LJ background wallpaper.

*hugs and hugs and hugs*

*showers of less-than-threes*

ILU tooooo <3

brain issues?
I swear to you it's contagious...
I lost an ENTIRE week in this past month! My Mom called me on a Monday and informed me (with a rather chilly attitude I might add) that she hadn't heard from me in a week...

I had to check my phone to confirm it LOL Same with my baby brother - and I talk to him almost every day!

I say we blame Global Warming for cooking all our braincells.
and Spike? WOOT!!! Yay SPIKE!! =)

Fringe! I aDORE Fringe!

and I am SO glad Spike is doing so well, too.

I am LOVING Fringe. SO MUCH FUN!

i think fringe is awesome and love walter dearly.

Spikester! You adaptable, thriving booface!

It's odd that when my brain gets cranky with me I think of it as having been grabbed by the black dog. Don't know why. I'm partial to real black dogs, having had two Labs. I still miss them.

When it's on me bad I listen to Sixx: AM's "The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack" over and over. It's not at all triggery for me. If I ever get the fundage together I'm having some of those lyrics tattooed on my inner forearms for easy reference.

it's where I got my username from, that black dog. I have always tagged it as Nameless Dread; though what it's really like from inside my head is more like a really annoying sound that never stops. I would like to be able to nerdily equate it to the sound of drums, but it's more like a screaming baby or a whining dog.

Blur's Tender and Shawn Mullins' Rockabye are two of my songs. They're strange because they were deeply triggery for me for a long time. They were two of the songs being played constantly on the radio right after John died, and I couldn't listen to them for years - now they've come full circle till they're comfort like a mother's heartbeat. I don't know how that works but it does.

I don't exactly find drug songs triggery; I still have a lot of them on my hard drive - but they're not soothing to me either. Not even Golden Brown, which is closest.

I don't know that Sixx AMs songs are drug songs. There are a few at the bottom of the dirty pool songs and a lot about recovery and how that feels.

Mostly I find myself agreeing and thinking. That flippin' album made me see just stopping isn't enough for me; it was time to start fixing the stuff in me.

Also, I like edgy. Any song with a line like 'there's nothing like trail of blood to find you way back home' sort of wins.

...and, I wasn't familiar with that album, so I googled it and looked at the lyrics. It all sounds very familiar - different place, different time, same story. I shall have to give that listen. Thank you.

I recommend the book as well, though I have rarely muttered "Oh, dude, no" as often while reading. In the 'sick shit I have done while high' category Nikki's gotta be in the top five.

I am amused that here the book was criticized for its honestly. Likely by people who think "Reefer Madness" the best PSA evuh. No, do not lie to the children. Of course there's fun to be had along with that blessed numbness; that's why some people use. Want to warn the kiddies about that.

i'm so glad spike is returning to his regular old self, and that he hasnt lost any of his personality or zest for life. i know how much my dogs mean to me and how much they do for my mental health, and i hope spike and squish are doing their best to make you laugh and giggle and love them. sending good vibes your way in hopes your brain starts playing nicer.

Exactly that - I know you know what I mean there.

someone I met in the street who was petting Spike said that she was impressed at my "unselfishness" for going to so much trouble for him. I said "are you kidding? It was totally selfish. I can't do without him."

which is true. I might have had to force myself to a different decision if I hadn't been so confident of his capacity to adapt and enjoy his life, but this was what I wanted, for me as much as for him. I need him to keep me going.

they're so much more than just dogs.

1) Fringe is awesome.

2) Spike is awesome.

3) You are awesome.

4) That is all.

5) Ooh, except: Sanctuary is, so far, awesome.

I know I'll do the right thing, if the right thing is in fear

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