Winter grey and falling rain, we'll see summer come again

[lizblackdog]

Just took the dogs out. The night was cold and crispy and the sky clear, and the first thing I saw was a shooting star.

Something I didn't mention yesterday to anybody, online or in the flesh, was that yesterday was the sixth anniversary of John's death. I certainly didn't forget it - rather, I made a conscious decision not to react to it in a sentimental or melancholy fashion. John - although he was both an idealist and a romantic in his own cynical, snarky way - was one of the least sentimental people I ever met, and the last person in the world to expect me to remember our love in any other way except living and loving as hard and as well as I could. So that was what I did.

But the star felt like a tangible, visible sign to go with the less obvious ones of the last few months. For the first time in six years, I dare to hope he may have forgiven me.

Comments

[kleesrosegarden.livejournal.com]

Umm *at a slight loss * sounds like you've some fairly complex things going on.

I take it that John is an ex-partner or very close friend of yours who has passed away who you'd had some kind of altercation with before he died.

Assuming that I understood you - sounds like yours is the best way to remember someone. I lost someone a while back - three and a half years now - and my favourite way of remembering Martin is the sarcastic bitchy comments he used to make. I do things sometimes and then it comes to me how he would have reacted to them and it cracks me up. I don't do anniversaries with him, and I don't put words into his mouth. But every now and then I *hear* him say something in reaction to something I say or do, and it usually makes me laugh.

Miss him lots. Guess you miss John too. Such is life.

*hug*

[christinuviel.livejournal.com]

*hugs* ... Your post was really moving, and honest.

[orac-zen.livejournal.com]

I dare to hope he may have forgiven me.

Why wouldn't he?

*** hugs ***

[wiccanrocka.livejournal.com]

Being as we just "met", I've no idea what happened, and I'm not going to ask... I'll just say that I hope you're doing well. *raises a glass also* Here's to you, and to John. :)

[james-the-evil1.livejournal.com]

hey, love, real love like you 2 had, forgives all
I'd say maybe the sign was him telling you it was ok to forgive yourself.
:-*