Softly falls the morning rain

so, I've had flu. I actually thought for a while I might have septicaemia, because my dogbitten finger had swollen up and gone red and interesting just when the flu entered its "feverish and dizzy" phase; luckily, the finger went down and the "who would have thought the human body had so much snot in it" stage cut in. So that saved me the bother of seeking medical help. My immune system kicks arse.

but that's one reason I've been a bit incommunicado. The other is... oh, how do I talk about being filled with depression and self-loathing without sounding like I'm begging for sympathy? I'm not. But I recognise that I need human contact to haul myself back to something approaching sanity, even when I'm ducking away and avoiding it.

to that end, I am not disabling comments, but I ask that you don't try and be nice to me. I don't feel I deserve it and won't know what to say to it. Just... if you feel moved to comment, talk about the weather or tell me something that happened to you today. I'll answer.

I am also going out this afternoon, for some actual physical human contact. A large part of me is telling me I don't want or deserve that either. The saner part, though, tells me it's necessary and I'll feel better for it.

See you later, peoples. Love you.

Softly falls the morning rain

so, I've had flu. I actually thought for a while I might have septicaemia, because my dogbitten finger had swollen up and gone red and interesting just when the flu entered its "feverish and dizzy" phase; luckily, the finger went down and the "who would have thought the human body had so much snot in it" stage cut in. So that saved me the bother of seeking medical help. My immune system kicks arse.

but that's one reason I've been a bit incommunicado. The other is... oh, how do I talk about being filled with depression and self-loathing without sounding like I'm begging for sympathy? I'm not. But I recognise that I need human contact to haul myself back to something approaching sanity, even when I'm ducking away and avoiding it.

to that end, I am not disabling comments, but I ask that you don't try and be nice to me. I don't feel I deserve it and won't know what to say to it. Just... if you feel moved to comment, talk about the weather or tell me something that happened to you today. I'll answer.

I am also going out this afternoon, for some actual physical human contact. A large part of me is telling me I don't want or deserve that either. The saner part, though, tells me it's necessary and I'll feel better for it.

See you later, peoples. Love you.