Black Doggerel

Today, for the first time EVER, my dogs gave me an opportunity to shovel handfuls of treats into their faces as a reward for watching Big Brindle Dog out of the window without one bark.

WIN.

Dear shinyheaded neighbour,

Do not be telling me I should smile or cheer up. I will end you with extreme prejudice.

No love, me.

Fucking pisshead neighbour Barry has lost his fucking keys. This should not have to be my fucking problem except that in the last three hours he has rung my doorbell to be let back into the building THREE FUCKING TIMES.

Also, he's apparently incapable of pushing the door open when I unlock it from the fucking entryphone, so I've had to go downstairs and let the old fucktard in myself three times. He claims Shiny Headed Michael (who sort of looks after him, because for some unfathomable reason he doesn't WANT Barry to be taken away and put in a home) has got his keys.

he does it again, I am about ready to beat the old fart to death with his own fucking pushcart.

In non-Spike-weird-health-related news, there is a pool of vomit on the floor in the hallway in front of drunk!Barry's flat. Shiny Headed Michael says that Barry's worst fear is being moved to an old people's home where he will have to stop chugging down his weight in cheap beer and cheaper cider every day lose his independence.

I'm all for independence in principle, but srsly, IMNSHO, your right to independent living stops where my right to a home free of your bodily fluids starts. Shinyhead had better have that cleaned up before I have to walk down the hallway again.

...My neighbour Gary (the autodefenestrator, and if that's not a word it damn well is now) has evidently done it again, or something. This time it must have happened during one of the two short spells I was asleep, because I didn't hear or see anything, but there's a blood-trail all up and down the hallway that wasn't there yesterday. You can see where he went up and/or down the stairs, to my door, to Shinyhead's door and the quiet guy with the bike's door, finishing up at his own door that now has fresh blood smears covering up the traces of scrubbed-off ones from last time. On the stairs, where the top and bottom hallway fire-doors make it a space with no ventilation to speak of, I could smell it too, thick and raw and stale. Really not sorry I missed the fun.

nothing new in my own life, except nyecamden is a big damn hero. I'm about to email you. Like, soon.

Took the dogs for Last Walk at around 2am, and came back to find my newish neighbour Gary standing outside the front door. His face looked like something large had tried to claw it off, there was blood all over him, soaked into all his clothes and dripping off him, and he was clutching a can of beer and grinning.

"I fell out me window!" he told me proudly.

I couldn't talk him into calling an ambulance so I went back into my flat and called one myself. By the time they arrived, Gary had wandered off, still grinning; it took the ambulance crew and the police they'd brought with them ten minutes to FIND him. When they found him, he seemed to think they'd come to arrest him and got quite upset. Fortunately the ambulance lady talked him down and they took him away.

...what is this I don't even.

Disturbed this afternoon by Shiny Headed Neighbour ringing my doorbell. He was sloppily drunk (when the dogs surged out to greet him he fell on his arse in the hallway) and panicking because he had locked himself out of his flat. I think he wanted me to invite him in but I'm really unwilling to do that. I went in and utterly failed to find the Tenants' Handbook I was given when I moved in - but I has mad google-fu skillz and managed to find the emergency "halp locked out" phone number online. When I called it for him, I was told they'd already been called and were on their way - in fact, they pulled up in the car park while I was still on the phone.

When I went out later, I cleared away the several variously empty cans of Stella Artois he'd left strewn around the hallway. He'd also left one of his shoes, a puddle of beer and a smell I could have done without, but I ignored those.

Got to One Stop (to buy £1 worth of emergency electricity just to be sure everything doesn't go dead and start melting tomorrow) and my downstairs neighbour's greyhound bitch was outside the store. She was plainly wondering where he'd got to and equally plainly considering wandering off to start looking off her own bat; she was trailing her leash which he hadn't thought to attach to anything. I'd have done it but she's skittish of people not her owner and wouldn't let me near enough.

Her owner was in the checkout queue, nearly as pissed as Shiny Head had been, and he was buying a 24-can case of beer. I mentioned that his dog was wandering about.
Him: "Oh, she knows where she's allowed to go."
Me: "I just worry because there's a main road RIGHT THERE."
Him: *grunting noise* "...murrr tellin' me what to do murr grunt."
Me: *facepalm*

Of all the weaknesses and frailties humans are prey to (and fuck knows I have more than my share), drunkenness is the one I have the least patience with, and shit like this is precisely why.

* bullet pointed for my convenience

* found my yellow rubber ring that Squish lost a week ago when something distracted him. The park is ankle-deep in leaves right now (note to self, charge batteries and take vids) and it's desperately easy to lose dog toys, which is stressy because I can't currently afford to replace any. I think one of the neighbour kids found it, because it was placed conspicuously by the dog-poo bin for me to find this afternoon. YAY NEIGHBOUR KIDS.

* Right here, right now, is my perfect climate. I am still stressed almost to the point of spoon event horizon but the weather's given me just enough edge on it to peek over the ramparts. Trust me to get my SAD ass-backwards.

* the DWP and the tortuous process of the tribunal continues to grind onwards, vaster than empires and more slow. See above re: stressed, spoon event horizon. My head hurts every time I think about it and I mean that perfectly literally. This week I have set myself the task of contacting my doctor and the Citizen's Advice Bureau, and I'll worry over getting myself to the appointment later.

* don't think I've stopped caring about you just because I don't have the energy to pull words together into a coherent comment on an LJ entry. I haven't.

* my sister has a dog, and I have adorable niece snuggled with said dog pics that I shall post later.

( Strange things have been afoot at Black Dog HQ )

up next: dog vids!