Waiting games in the waiting room

[lizblackdog]

No surgery. The damn fucking thing's grown so much this last two weeks that the vet wants to take samples from Spike's lymph glands and do some more CT scans before he'll go ahead. Which means now we'll be doing it next Wednesday. If we're lucky. If there isn't cancer in his lymph glands. If the CT scan doesn't show major changes. If if if fucking if. We've still left him there, as the scan and lymph gland needle aspiration need a general anaesthetic, but we'll be bringing him home later today nose, tumour and all.

Every time I've hoped and prayed for something specific not to happen, right back to day one when I first noticed the red mark on Spike's gumline, that's turned out to be exactly what did happen. Forgive me f-list, I don't think I have it left in me to be hopeful any more.

Comments

[gwenhyffar.livejournal.com]

I'm... I don't know.


{{{{hugs}}}}

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

this is exactly what i was afraid of. all this week I've been looking at that damn thing and hoping this wasn't going to happen. but I think i knew it would.

[tamena]

I can finish that one gwenhyffar
Devistated =(

*huge hugs*

[gwenhyffar.livejournal.com]

that's a very good word for it, yes.

[peaceful-fox.livejournal.com]

Oh dear gods. I wish I knew what to say. I've been thinking about you all morning and checking my LJ when I can for news. This is not the news I wanted. (((HUGS)))

[orac-zen.livejournal.com]

*** hugs, prayers, good thoughts ***

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

thank you darling <3

[wirenth.livejournal.com]

oh no :(

oh liz, i'm sorry. i feel just absolutely sick for you.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

yeah, me neither. but I've been watching the thing get bigger and I'm not very surprised. I have to keep hoping, I can't not. But.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

there's still hope. but i've reached the point where it's nearly more painful to keep hoping than just give in.

not that I will give in unless I'm forced to. but still.

thank you <3

[wirenth.livejournal.com]

yep, i understand.

but it really sucks to get yourself mentally ready to move forward and then have it not happen, though. more waiting, more worrying, more stressing out.

[peaceful-fox.livejournal.com]

When will you get this next round of test results?

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

he says hopefully they'll know by tomorrow afternoon; he's going to mark the samples "urgent" and make sure they reach the lab tonight. of couse it's ANOTHER fucking bank holiday this week. half the reason for all this damn delay we've had already was one fucking public holiday after another.

aaaaaaaaaargh.

[taichara]

*hugs and hugs*

[dalaire.livejournal.com]

Damn. Oh honey, I'm so sorry about that. My thoughts remain with you all.

***hugs***

[cottonmanifesto.livejournal.com]

ffffffffffffffffff!!!!!!!!!

don't worry, i have hope enough for all of us.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

thanks darling. maybe it'll work better than mine did <3

[santaman.livejournal.com]

I still hope it will all somehow miracilously go well.

*hugs*

Still crossing fingers.

[my3babies.livejournal.com]

((((hug)))) Liz I'm sorry I wish there were something I could do you and Spike have my thoughts and prayers here

[rhinecat.livejournal.com]

Hoping and praying for you and Spike.

[ghost07.livejournal.com]

{{{HUGS}}} I'll keep the prayers going.

[disorderly-mind.livejournal.com]

You know, it's reallyreally hard to make me cry. All my best for the lot of you, my love.

[yesididit.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and good thoughts sent your way. i just want to rush over there and start shaking people saying "dont you understand how urgent this is? how important this is?!!"

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

I am so so sorry. I'll keep praying though.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

thank you <3

i'm feeling a little less despairing than I was earlier. but I'm rather wary of letting myself feel that.