Wishin' and a-hoping that just once those doors weren't locked

[lizblackdog]

Conversations I'll Never Have (More's The Pity) Number 76398633662 (or thereabouts.)

Good afternoon, Mr Cantankerous Arsey Neighbour With The Bike.

That's a lovely-looking German Shepherd puppy you suddenly have there.

No, that barking Norwegian Ridgeback impression Spike is doing is not dog language for "Oh, let's make friends with the cute puppy!" It's Spike language for "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!".

Yes, I can quite see how you could confuse the two, because I already know you're that stupid.

I know you're that stupid because when I abruptly changed direction (TO AVOID YOU, IDIOT!) and walked Spike back two hundred yards the way we'd come instead of carrying on towards home, you took it into your head to follow us with the damn puppy.

You were at the junction. You could have stood still, or you had a choice of three different directions you could have walked away from us. I had a choice of either walking further and further in the direction I already hadn't wanted to go in, or walking down Barrow Road where the neighbour with the two unsocialised dog-aggressive outdoor Rottweilers (and that's another rant in the making all by itself) was out in his garden making barking noises at them and winding them up. In the end I decided the least annoying/dangerous/noisy option was to head for home and try and get Spike past you as quickly as possible. It was noisy. It wasn't pretty. But at least it was over fairly quickly.

Don't fucking follow me with that damn dog again, you fucking slack-jawed grinning cretin! Thanks to the incredibly well-trained and forbearing dog down the road (I LOVE that dog's owner) I had just about got Spike to the point where he can be in sight of a German Shepherd without losing his shit entirely. You really helped me a lot with that. Not.

Oh, and pick up your dog's crap, wankstain. Yes, I saw you.

Please die,

Liz and Spike.

*draws breath*

I really need a Spike "fuck off and die" icon, damn it. *makes hopeful face at cottonmanifesto*

...in other news, while I was writing this, Cassie looked intently out of the window and barked. I knew she could make some weird noises, but this? Took the fucking biscuit. Cats are weird.

Comments

[wirenth.livejournal.com]

luce thinks stupid people are especially tasty with mayo.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Aren't they a bit fatty for dogfood, though?

Besides, the stupid might be catching...

[wirenth.livejournal.com]

she says nah, though she does prefer baby.

baby: the other other white meat.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

mmmm, tender!