Please don't lose your balls

[lizblackdog]

So we went to Big Park today, because I though it'd be a good place to practise Squish recalls under distracty conditions. Big Park has many big tangly brush patches, knee high spring grass, squirrels, foxes and pheasants. It is distracty pointer heaven. Spike also loves it because he is not impervious to distracty - plus, it has ponds. Well, very large puddles, but they make perfect collie wallows.

The trouble with knee high spring grass and hedges covered in new growth is this: every time Spike puts his ball down for a second to smell something, it becomes instantly invisible.



Spike: (up in my face) THROW THE BALL! BALL! THROW IT! THROWTHROWTHROW!

Me: I haven't got it, mate. You dropped it over by that hedge. Where's your ball? Go find your ball!

Spike: (hunts frantically for ball) OH NOEZZZ!!! WHERE IS MY BALL! (bounces up in my face) I KNOW YOU HAVE IT REALLY! THROW IT THROW IT THROW EEEEEEET!

Me: I really don't have it. Try over here, and calm the fuck down!

Spike: (dives into hedge, makes noise like a rogue sentient wood chipping machine, comes out with eight foot branch clamped in his teeth) I HAS A STICK!!!

Me: (also looking for ball) I'm not fucking throwing that, mister. Keep trying.

Spike: (dives into pond) Is it here? (tries the long grass again) Here? (leaps on me) YOU HAVE IT! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT! THIS IS NO LONGER FUNNY, LADY, THROW THE DAMN BALL!

Me: (shrugs, shows him empty hands) Try this bit of hedge here?

At this point, a man walks past, casually kicking a football along in front of him.

Spike: (spots football, pricks up ears) I HAS A CUNNING PLAN!

Me: (who has known Spike a very long time) DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. GET BACK IN THAT FUCKING HEDGE.

Spike: (sighs, looks longingly at football) You're no fun, bitch. (dives into hedge, stays out of sight an improbably long time)

Me: You all right in there, Spike?

Spike: (makes noise like a 300lb squirrel trapped in an attic full of precariously-stacked antiques) I AM SO CLOSE!

Me: WTF?

Spike: (leaps out of hedge, ears and tail high, triumphantly clutching unthrowably-deflated plastic beach ball that looks like it's been buried in the hedge for fourteen years) I HAS A BALL!!!

Me: (gives up and pulls spare ball out of pocket) Clever boy!

I love my dog XD


P.S. Soundtrack, for your pleasure: Down In The Bunker. It's like the Innuendo Squad theme tune, this song.

Comments

[my3babies.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahaha I just had a good laugh out of that. wonderful story *grin*

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Spike is such an arse, but I adore him XD

I expect you saw the sweet potato story? (http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html) It was linked all over the place; SO funny!

[kyra-neko-rei.livejournal.com]

*much sporfleing from me at that*

"I HAS A BALL!!!" I can so picture the look on his face.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

He was very very pleased with himself XD

[arkady.livejournal.com]

I just read that out loud to reddragdiva, who said "Yeah, Staffies are like that." I had to point out that Spike is most certainly not a Staffie!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Heh, no, he's not, but Staffies and Border Collies do have a similar "throw yourself into it as hard as possible" approach to life and fun. Excellent dogs.

[entorien.livejournal.com]

Lmfao!

I just forced a reluctant friend to resd that, he ended up in gales of laughter!

God I love your dog!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

He loves you too!

[seariderfalcon]

I HAS A CUNNING PLAN!

LOL!

I love these kinds of stories. :)

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

It's why I love Spike so much; he's an endless source of them. Best dog EVAR.

[cottonmanifesto.livejournal.com]

that was excellent! :)

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Spike has special balls that require a car ride to buy (he can't have tennis balls because of his teeth) so I really prefer not to lose the damn things. But I have to admit the laugh he gave me was almost worth it XD

[jennie-c-d.livejournal.com]

That was hilariously written.

I love your dogs. I wish you lived closer (ya know, no ocean in the middle?). We could PLAY!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

We actually could, too - Spike doesn't do well with big dogs but he LOVES terriers. All his very best friends are Jack Russells or Shih Tzus.

Except don't you live somewhere WAY too hot for me and Spike?

[jennie-c-d.livejournal.com]

I do live somewhere WAY too hot. It was around 90° today, with humidity so thick you could hardly breathe. The smoke from the wild fires helps, too. With my migraine, I couldn't even walk Emma. Poor dog doesn't even have any friends, anymore:'(

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Spike and I get uncomfortable when it goes over 65... we sure as hell couldn't handle that! Squish is a little more heatproof; he has a thin coat and doesn't have Spike's nuclear metabolism, but that would be hard on him too.

Poor Ems. You should move!

[jennie-c-d.livejournal.com]

Where should we move to? LOL We'd FREEZE to death if we had a real winter. None of the three of us has any real insulation, and we've never lived in a cold place. We'd be SOL in the snow. I've seen snow twice, and never driven in it.

[danasaur.livejournal.com]

Where do you live? This sounds all too familiar...

[jennie-c-d.livejournal.com]

Southeast Georgia.

I can't type. It looks like you're a little far from me...

[danasaur.livejournal.com]

I'm in central Florida. Both of our states seem to be in flames :\

[jennie-c-d.livejournal.com]

The whole world is in flames... It's interesting. Our states are connected, though:)

[purplewaxhand.livejournal.com]

*reads entry and grins, then follows link and reads the rest of the sweet potato story from metaquotes and laughs hard enough to start choking*

What was the man's reaction when you told Spike to get back in the hedge.

Out of curiosity, how intelligent is Spike?

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

He saw Spike eyeing his ball, and he could see Spike was thinking about stealing it. I think he was quite impressed that Spike listened to me. He wouldn't have done when he was younger; I used to have to remove him him from the park if anyone wanted to play a ball game that didn't involve a collie.

How intelligent is he - it's hard to say, and I am biased, but I do feel that he (and Border Collies generally) are a good deal more intelligent than the average dog. Squish, for example is not a stupid dog at all, but Spike's problem-solving abilities and intuitive leaps make him look pretty dumb.

[danasaur.livejournal.com]

That's a pretty awesome cunning plan Spike came up with there. I like the way he thinks :D

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

He used to be a right bugger for stealing other people's balls; he's learned a bit of self control now he's no longer a puppy, but the urge is still there.

It used to be particularly amusing when we blundered into adult football team practise sessions. There's nothing like watching fourteen brawny men in shorts trying desperately to get their ball back off a grinning collie. XD

[lemmingpie.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm...collie wallows!
Haha, and Spike retrieving random incorrect items... I exercise my landlord's GSD at times, he has brought me a shower rod, a broken bottle...not good!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

He's clever and insanely toy-driven, so if the right toy isn't handy he improvises. His best/scariest one so far was the fence slat full of nails... how he managed not to rip his mouth apart I'll never know. He wanted to play tug with it. *rolleyes*

[lemmingpie.livejournal.com]

Oh how horrible, that would have been a terrible thing for him and yourself if he'd gotten a nail...oh owch!
Haha, tug is ALWAYS more fun when evading nails..yay tetanus and infection!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

...I meant to add, that's why I never go anywhere with Spike without carrying at least one spare ball plus a knotted-cloth tuggy in my pocket. It's not unusual to have to redirect him off some completely inappropriate plaything.

[tenna.livejournal.com]

This is made of win!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Not only that, but I had the absolute perfect icon for it too!

*loves*

[tenna.livejournal.com]

:D

[sweet-tea79.livejournal.com]

"I HAS A CUNNING PLAN!"

I love your dog. If I was on that side of the world I'd hang out with your dog.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Thank you XD

He'd love that. He adores people. He's the only dog I know who, when he meets a person with a dog, greets the person before he even notices the dog.

[lady-alethea.livejournal.com]

Note to self: reading funny stories about Liz's dogs while sick with nasty coughing plague is a baaaaaaaaad idea.

**grins** I nearly peed myself laughing. I have a ball-obsessed dachshund (toys in general, but balls especially), and I could so see Faust losing his mind if his ball went missing.

I'm a weenie dog grrlie at heart, but I do loves me some border collies. They're so much fun and so smart. :^)

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Spike is a HUGE amount of fun. I love him so much.

We need some doxie pictures, when you're feeling better. I have such a soft spot for weenie dogs... their lovely little faces!

[james-the-evil1.livejournal.com]

At this point, a man walks past, casually kicking a football along in front of him.

Spike: (spots football, pricks up ears) I HAS A CUNNING PLAN!


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

I spend my entire life foiling cunning plans of that nature!

[silverblaidd.livejournal.com]

Please keep all hands, feet and balls inside the car at all times. ;)

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Funny how often balls cause drama and disasters. Definitely to be handled with care.