Madness takes its toll

[lizblackdog]

Reasons why I hate summer that have nothing to do with bitching about excess heat.

1. I can't wear my coat. This means I have to carry poo bags, lumps of sausage and rubber balls in the pockets of my trackie bottoms (Colonials: that's British for sweat pants). My coat has zippered Spike-proof pockets to keep balls in. My trackie bottoms don't. Today he pickpocketed the ball while I was busy leashing Squish, so we had the fun of walking to the park with him in I HAS A BALL mode. Spike has to have low-friction soft rubber balls because he's already worn a quarter-inch off his canines from tennis ball abrasion; so there's the added fun of him dropping the fucking thing every ten yards and having to lunge after it like a Great White after a surfboard, jerking me and Squish along behind him like forgotten fishing tackle.

The other day he attempted to pick my pocket on the way home from the park, caught his muzzle in the pocket, and dragged my trackie bottoms plus underpants down to my knees on Woodbury Avenue. That was even more amusing.

2. Squirrel season. My street is lined with huge mature oak trees and every damn squirrel for miles around arrives here in spring when the leafbuds become edible, and stays till the acorns are all eaten. First they spend a while doing happy squirrel mating chases all over the place; then they make more squirrels, and right about now is when all the stupid new young squirrels are learning what dogs are by dashing right in front of mine. If I had terriers we'd have killed many by now - as it is, they've just nearly killed me with the yanking and the barking and the 'splodey.

3. Fox season. They've been here since about February when they started fucking noisily in the dead of night and setting the dogs off. Now they're all in hunting overdrive for their newborn or almost-born cubs and they're every-fucking-where. It's rare for me to walk dogs after dark without bumping into one, and the other night there was a heavily pregnant vixen hunting moles on the lawn right underneath Spike's lookout window. They excite the dogs more than squirrels and cats put together and garnished with sausage. Every hair on Spike's back stands on end, he hurls himself at the window and barks like a ship of the line's full broadside. Squish is possibly even more disturbing; he is a hunting dog by nature and foxes make him bay. Unfortunately he bays soprano, and the noise that comes out of him sounds like a pig being tortured. The two of them going off at once has to be heard to be believed.

So yeah. Roll on winter please.

Comments

[kyra-neko-rei.livejournal.com]

HAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!

I read this out loud to Vice (who is over here with me to prepare to see Pirates of the Caribbean tonight and we're working each other into a frenzy) as soon as I could get through it without bursting out laughing, and there was much hilarity. I don't want to know what the neighbors think.

like a ship of the line's full broadside

That was cool! Plus it was a nautical reference on Pirate Day and so I have you throwing me into a frenzy as well. I can barely type.

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Isn't every day Pirate Day? XD

Glad you enjoyed it. I'd love to record the godawful fucking cacophony; but I don't get any warning of foxes, so it's not likely I'll ever manage it.

[kyra-neko-rei.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, but it's the day the movie comes out, and therefore I have an excuse to dress up like a pirate without seeming COMPLETELY crazy.

So it's more of a Pirate Day than usual.

[gwenhyffar.livejournal.com]

You, my dear, need

this

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

I do! Although I suspect Spike would see it as a cunning new tug toy. Bless him.

[mcsassypants.livejournal.com]

You know, I was just thinking about how summer means a lack of pockets the other day when I was walking Talica. I had nowhere to put her "hey! pay attention to me!!!" treats.
Why weren't dog owners/walkers consulted when they started creating summers??

[mcsassypants.livejournal.com]

of course, summers also mean that I don't have to take half an hour to put on her 5 million jackets and booties to keep her warm enough to do a quick walk around the block at noon....

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Oh, of course, she's the little greyhound, isn't she? Yeah. Mine are a bit more weatherproof. Spike especially is very much a winter dog; he overheats very fast when it's even slightly warm.

[mcsassypants.livejournal.com]

Yep, she's the greyhound. Greyhounds were never meant to live in such harsh winter climates such as this one. I've always wondered why greyhound racing is as big as it is, what with the cold and all...

Of course, her new trick now that it's starting to get warm out is to randomly flop down in the grass and refuse to move until she's cooled down.

I am definately getting more weather proof dogs once I am in a position to adopt.

[welshred.livejournal.com]

LMAO at Spike janking yer pants down. Your hounds are a beautiful challenge. I do envy you. x

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

I so want you to have your dog :(

Yes. I know well how lucky I am to have found them. And Spike's lucky he found me - no one but a masochistic exhibitionist would put up with the Evil Bugger...

[welshred.livejournal.com]

Me too. The parents are having none of it, and I can't afford to move out yet. I feel like part of me is missing and it pisses me off!

LOL at Spike. I'm sure I would have no trouble in putting upwith him. I'd snuggle him 'til he submitted.

[miss-teacher.livejournal.com]

Colonials: that's British for sweat pants


lol

Thanks...I actually did need the translation and loved how you worded it :)

[greenmood.livejournal.com]

Thanks to the movie Bend it Like Beckham, I know what trackie bottoms are. Heehee.

[santaman.livejournal.com]

Poor you! summer will get longer and longer and winters shorter, global warming and all. ;)

[ifpetalsfall.livejournal.com]

Our problem is jackrabbits. Bizillions of them, everywhere. Just when you have Jack somewhat calmed down and not going bezerk about one, another runs right by. Arghh.

[lemmingpie.livejournal.com]

Okay, Spike pulling your pants down is just TOO much for me..I probably would have died if I had been present, seriously.
Anyway, I myself love spring...but the people that come creeping out of their houses...they are just everywhere. In the winter I have the park and hiking trails all to myself, but not anymore. ughhhh...

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

You're lucky Ein's too low to the ground to pick pockets!

[lemmingpie.livejournal.com]

You can say that again, what an awful thing to have happen!

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

I'm... lucky, or strange or something. When the Nudity Taboo Fairy went around handing out inhibitions she missed me out entirely. So I'm not actually very fazed by showing the world my enormous lily-white arse - although obviously I only do it deliberately in places where it's appropriate like nudist spas and such. (And occasionally if I get drunk, but I hardly ever get drunk.)

This is the second time Spike's flashed me, too. The first time he decided to play tug with my skirt... RRRRRRIP. And I don't wear underpants with skirts.

I think it just proves that he and I were made for each other XD

[lemmingpie.livejournal.com]

Oh well then that makes it so much better, just a mild inconvenience. I on the other hand would have just been the epitome of embarassed, I'm so shy about becoming flashed in public (especially by a meatball seeking border collie!)

I was just thinking that reading this comment, how much Spike and you are a perfect owner-dog match :D

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's not the meatball he's after, it's the rubber ball. He can take or leave food but he's freakishly toy-obsessed. He learned how to open the fridge out of curiosity, but after he'd seen inside and made sure I wasn't stashing tennis balls in there, he wandered away without eating anything and never bothered to do it again.

He is my perfect dog. He's possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love him so much it hurts.