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Dear Demonchild Snotmonkey,
Yes, you. The same child I had to bark at when you tried to slap Spike. Now, I presume you were raised speaking English, because your older brother communicates just fine. So what part of "please stop trying to wave big pointy sticks in Spike's face" is it you're having a problem with?
I DO NOT WANT MY DOG TO BITE YOU. This is only half true. After the 5343675th time of my having to tell you that a. you may not play tug with him and b. you doubleplus extra specially may not play tug with him with a big splintery pointy wooden stick, I'd actually really enjoy seeing him playfully break your tender little fingerbones like little sticky chicken wings, and I bet it would help solve your selective deafness problem too. But he doesn't need the dangerous dog laws landing on his head just because you can't keep your damn sticky hands to yourself, so FUCKING STOP IT YOU LITTLE MONSTER.
More importantly, (because I am not your mother and I couldn't care less about your finger bones), if I let you keep teasing my dogs with sticks you're going to poke one of their eyes out. And believe me, anything Spike at his worst could do to you is going to look like a gentle pat compared to what I'll do to you if you injure my dogs. Got that, Damien?
No love,
Your neighbour who sometimes wishes her dogs didn't love children so damn much.
P.S. No, you can't throw it for him to fetch either, especially not into the road when he's on-leash. I really wish I could slap you sometimes.
Yes, you. The same child I had to bark at when you tried to slap Spike. Now, I presume you were raised speaking English, because your older brother communicates just fine. So what part of "please stop trying to wave big pointy sticks in Spike's face" is it you're having a problem with?
I DO NOT WANT MY DOG TO BITE YOU. This is only half true. After the 5343675th time of my having to tell you that a. you may not play tug with him and b. you doubleplus extra specially may not play tug with him with a big splintery pointy wooden stick, I'd actually really enjoy seeing him playfully break your tender little fingerbones like little sticky chicken wings, and I bet it would help solve your selective deafness problem too. But he doesn't need the dangerous dog laws landing on his head just because you can't keep your damn sticky hands to yourself, so FUCKING STOP IT YOU LITTLE MONSTER.
More importantly, (because I am not your mother and I couldn't care less about your finger bones), if I let you keep teasing my dogs with sticks you're going to poke one of their eyes out. And believe me, anything Spike at his worst could do to you is going to look like a gentle pat compared to what I'll do to you if you injure my dogs. Got that, Damien?
No love,
Your neighbour who sometimes wishes her dogs didn't love children so damn much.
P.S. No, you can't throw it for him to fetch either, especially not into the road when he's on-leash. I really wish I could slap you sometimes.
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