Black Doggerel

Took the dogs for Last Walk at around 2am, and came back to find my newish neighbour Gary standing outside the front door. His face looked like something large had tried to claw it off, there was blood all over him, soaked into all his clothes and dripping off him, and he was clutching a can of beer and grinning.

"I fell out me window!" he told me proudly.

I couldn't talk him into calling an ambulance so I went back into my flat and called one myself. By the time they arrived, Gary had wandered off, still grinning; it took the ambulance crew and the police they'd brought with them ten minutes to FIND him. When they found him, he seemed to think they'd come to arrest him and got quite upset. Fortunately the ambulance lady talked him down and they took him away.

...what is this I don't even.

Woodbury Avenue, 11.30pm. It's pouring with rain and ankle-deep in wet oak leaves, and the dogs and I are walking, like we do. A mouse inexplicably shoots out of a pile of leaves in the road and tries to hide under Spike.

Mouse: OH YAY A BIG THING TO HIDE UNDER!

Spike: EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! *teleports four feet straight upwards, lands again, registers mouse by his feet*

Spike: HOLY SHIT IT'S ALIVE! PANIC!!! *dives behind my legs*

Mouse: HOLY SHIT IT'S ALIVE! PANIC!!! *dives behind fence*

Squish: *oblivious to collie dramaz* MY POINTER SENSES ARE TINGLING! *points mouse with great, if slightly wary enthusiasm*

Spike and Mouse: Er, you didn't see that, right?

Me: LOL.

Somewhere along the line of our collective life together, Spike has got it into his head that if I trip while the dogs are onleash, it's Squish's fault and it's Spike's job to punt him out of the nearest airlock with extreme prejudice.

this is a bit not fun when i fall on the stairs in a tangle of dogs and leashes.

So it's (nearly) 4am, and I'm happily minding my own business watching Doctor Who online with a friend.

( Shit happens )

WHAT THE SHIT.

Probably the worst book in the entire history of ever.

Not safe for anywhere. Ever.

With thanks and deepest sympathy to vandonovan.

Oh holy fucking shit, my father's coming here. To England. In less than two weeks.

...It's not that I don't love him. I do love him. It's not even that I don't want to see him. I do. But I haven't seen him in nearly twenty years, and we never got on very well when we were on the same continent. And... well, it's complicated.

It also means I have to clean. Like really clean. In two fucking weeks. And that isn't even why I'm going into panic tailspin meltdown here.

...Like I said, it's complicated.

*flail*

Note to self: do not take your eyes off the dogs after handing out supper. I don't know for certain, but I have a nasty feeling Squish just ate both dogs' food.

Not blaming Squish. Blaming me for forgetting that my collie is a fucking freak who will walk away from uneaten food if he finds something suddenly interesting. Once I've shut the cats away there isn't usually anything else he's liable to be quite THAT distracted by, but still. Freak.

( Torchwood 1x06 - spoilercut even though I'm sure everyone's seen it who's going to )

In other news, internecine dog fights are going round my f-list lately like the flu, and tonight was my turn. We got off lightly though. The only damage is hurt feelings and Squish's ear is a bit sore where I had to pull him off Spike by it. They got into it because we ran into a cat on Woodbury Avenue and they were both all aroused and barky, and then they collided and got the leashes hooked together or something. Spike and Squish snark at each other fairly often, but they don't mean business - it only ever escalates if they're physically prevented from backing away, which means I, stuck in the middle or attempting to untangle them, am the likeliest one to get bitten. But even I escaped this time. Yay!