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Dear shinyheaded neighbour,
Do not be telling me I should smile or cheer up. I will end you with extreme prejudice.
No love, me.
Do not be telling me I should smile or cheer up. I will end you with extreme prejudice.
No love, me.
Tags:
Dear shinyheaded neighbour,
Do not be telling me I should smile or cheer up. I will end you with extreme prejudice.
No love, me.
Do not be telling me I should smile or cheer up. I will end you with extreme prejudice.
No love, me.
Tags:
Fucking pisshead neighbour Barry has lost his fucking keys. This should not have to be my fucking problem except that in the last three hours he has rung my doorbell to be let back into the building THREE FUCKING TIMES.
Also, he's apparently incapable of pushing the door open when I unlock it from the fucking entryphone, so I've had to go downstairs and let the old fucktard in myself three times. He claims Shiny Headed Michael (who sort of looks after him, because for some unfathomable reason he doesn't WANT Barry to be taken away and put in a home) has got his keys.
he does it again, I am about ready to beat the old fart to death with his own fucking pushcart.
Also, he's apparently incapable of pushing the door open when I unlock it from the fucking entryphone, so I've had to go downstairs and let the old fucktard in myself three times. He claims Shiny Headed Michael (who sort of looks after him, because for some unfathomable reason he doesn't WANT Barry to be taken away and put in a home) has got his keys.
he does it again, I am about ready to beat the old fart to death with his own fucking pushcart.
Tags:
Fucking pisshead neighbour Barry has lost his fucking keys. This should not have to be my fucking problem except that in the last three hours he has rung my doorbell to be let back into the building THREE FUCKING TIMES.
Also, he's apparently incapable of pushing the door open when I unlock it from the fucking entryphone, so I've had to go downstairs and let the old fucktard in myself three times. He claims Shiny Headed Michael (who sort of looks after him, because for some unfathomable reason he doesn't WANT Barry to be taken away and put in a home) has got his keys.
he does it again, I am about ready to beat the old fart to death with his own fucking pushcart.
Also, he's apparently incapable of pushing the door open when I unlock it from the fucking entryphone, so I've had to go downstairs and let the old fucktard in myself three times. He claims Shiny Headed Michael (who sort of looks after him, because for some unfathomable reason he doesn't WANT Barry to be taken away and put in a home) has got his keys.
he does it again, I am about ready to beat the old fart to death with his own fucking pushcart.
Tags:
In non-Spike-weird-health-related news, there is a pool of vomit on the floor in the hallway in front of drunk!Barry's flat. Shiny Headed Michael says that Barry's worst fear is being moved to an old people's home where he will have to stop chugging down his weight in cheap beer and cheaper cider every day lose his independence.
I'm all for independence in principle, but srsly, IMNSHO, your right to independent living stops where my right to a home free of your bodily fluids starts. Shinyhead had better have that cleaned up before I have to walk down the hallway again.
I'm all for independence in principle, but srsly, IMNSHO, your right to independent living stops where my right to a home free of your bodily fluids starts. Shinyhead had better have that cleaned up before I have to walk down the hallway again.
Tags:
In non-Spike-weird-health-related news, there is a pool of vomit on the floor in the hallway in front of drunk!Barry's flat. Shiny Headed Michael says that Barry's worst fear is being moved to an old people's home where he will have to stop chugging down his weight in cheap beer and cheaper cider every day lose his independence.
I'm all for independence in principle, but srsly, IMNSHO, your right to independent living stops where my right to a home free of your bodily fluids starts. Shinyhead had better have that cleaned up before I have to walk down the hallway again.
I'm all for independence in principle, but srsly, IMNSHO, your right to independent living stops where my right to a home free of your bodily fluids starts. Shinyhead had better have that cleaned up before I have to walk down the hallway again.
Tags:
Disturbed this afternoon by Shiny Headed Neighbour ringing my doorbell. He was sloppily drunk (when the dogs surged out to greet him he fell on his arse in the hallway) and panicking because he had locked himself out of his flat. I think he wanted me to invite him in but I'm really unwilling to do that. I went in and utterly failed to find the Tenants' Handbook I was given when I moved in - but I has mad google-fu skillz and managed to find the emergency "halp locked out" phone number online. When I called it for him, I was told they'd already been called and were on their way - in fact, they pulled up in the car park while I was still on the phone.
When I went out later, I cleared away the several variously empty cans of Stella Artois he'd left strewn around the hallway. He'd also left one of his shoes, a puddle of beer and a smell I could have done without, but I ignored those.
Got to One Stop (to buy £1 worth of emergency electricity just to be sure everything doesn't go dead and start melting tomorrow) and my downstairs neighbour's greyhound bitch was outside the store. She was plainly wondering where he'd got to and equally plainly considering wandering off to start looking off her own bat; she was trailing her leash which he hadn't thought to attach to anything. I'd have done it but she's skittish of people not her owner and wouldn't let me near enough.
Her owner was in the checkout queue, nearly as pissed as Shiny Head had been, and he was buying a 24-can case of beer. I mentioned that his dog was wandering about.
Him: "Oh, she knows where she's allowed to go."
Me: "I just worry because there's a main road RIGHT THERE."
Him: *grunting noise* "...murrr tellin' me what to do murr grunt."
Me: *facepalm*
Of all the weaknesses and frailties humans are prey to (and fuck knows I have more than my share), drunkenness is the one I have the least patience with, and shit like this is precisely why.
When I went out later, I cleared away the several variously empty cans of Stella Artois he'd left strewn around the hallway. He'd also left one of his shoes, a puddle of beer and a smell I could have done without, but I ignored those.
Got to One Stop (to buy £1 worth of emergency electricity just to be sure everything doesn't go dead and start melting tomorrow) and my downstairs neighbour's greyhound bitch was outside the store. She was plainly wondering where he'd got to and equally plainly considering wandering off to start looking off her own bat; she was trailing her leash which he hadn't thought to attach to anything. I'd have done it but she's skittish of people not her owner and wouldn't let me near enough.
Her owner was in the checkout queue, nearly as pissed as Shiny Head had been, and he was buying a 24-can case of beer. I mentioned that his dog was wandering about.
Him: "Oh, she knows where she's allowed to go."
Me: "I just worry because there's a main road RIGHT THERE."
Him: *grunting noise* "...murrr tellin' me what to do murr grunt."
Me: *facepalm*
Of all the weaknesses and frailties humans are prey to (and fuck knows I have more than my share), drunkenness is the one I have the least patience with, and shit like this is precisely why.
Disturbed this afternoon by Shiny Headed Neighbour ringing my doorbell. He was sloppily drunk (when the dogs surged out to greet him he fell on his arse in the hallway) and panicking because he had locked himself out of his flat. I think he wanted me to invite him in but I'm really unwilling to do that. I went in and utterly failed to find the Tenants' Handbook I was given when I moved in - but I has mad google-fu skillz and managed to find the emergency "halp locked out" phone number online. When I called it for him, I was told they'd already been called and were on their way - in fact, they pulled up in the car park while I was still on the phone.
When I went out later, I cleared away the several variously empty cans of Stella Artois he'd left strewn around the hallway. He'd also left one of his shoes, a puddle of beer and a smell I could have done without, but I ignored those.
Got to One Stop (to buy £1 worth of emergency electricity just to be sure everything doesn't go dead and start melting tomorrow) and my downstairs neighbour's greyhound bitch was outside the store. She was plainly wondering where he'd got to and equally plainly considering wandering off to start looking off her own bat; she was trailing her leash which he hadn't thought to attach to anything. I'd have done it but she's skittish of people not her owner and wouldn't let me near enough.
Her owner was in the checkout queue, nearly as pissed as Shiny Head had been, and he was buying a 24-can case of beer. I mentioned that his dog was wandering about.
Him: "Oh, she knows where she's allowed to go."
Me: "I just worry because there's a main road RIGHT THERE."
Him: *grunting noise* "...murrr tellin' me what to do murr grunt."
Me: *facepalm*
Of all the weaknesses and frailties humans are prey to (and fuck knows I have more than my share), drunkenness is the one I have the least patience with, and shit like this is precisely why.
When I went out later, I cleared away the several variously empty cans of Stella Artois he'd left strewn around the hallway. He'd also left one of his shoes, a puddle of beer and a smell I could have done without, but I ignored those.
Got to One Stop (to buy £1 worth of emergency electricity just to be sure everything doesn't go dead and start melting tomorrow) and my downstairs neighbour's greyhound bitch was outside the store. She was plainly wondering where he'd got to and equally plainly considering wandering off to start looking off her own bat; she was trailing her leash which he hadn't thought to attach to anything. I'd have done it but she's skittish of people not her owner and wouldn't let me near enough.
Her owner was in the checkout queue, nearly as pissed as Shiny Head had been, and he was buying a 24-can case of beer. I mentioned that his dog was wandering about.
Him: "Oh, she knows where she's allowed to go."
Me: "I just worry because there's a main road RIGHT THERE."
Him: *grunting noise* "...murrr tellin' me what to do murr grunt."
Me: *facepalm*
Of all the weaknesses and frailties humans are prey to (and fuck knows I have more than my share), drunkenness is the one I have the least patience with, and shit like this is precisely why.
So it's (nearly) 4am, and I'm happily minding my own business watching Doctor Who online with a friend.
( Shit happens )
WHAT THE SHIT.
( Shit happens )
WHAT THE SHIT.
So it's (nearly) 4am, and I'm happily minding my own business watching Doctor Who online with a friend.
( Shit happens )
WHAT THE SHIT.
( Shit happens )
WHAT THE SHIT.
Tags:
Ran into Shiny-Headed Neighbour while coming back from a dogwalk just now. He ran into my mother in the hallway when she came to visit during Blogathon (thank you Mum!) and he was massively taken with her, as is everyone who ever meets her. So naturally, he had to tell me all about it.
SHN: "Oh! I met your Mum! She's really nice, isn't she!"
Me: "Yep. I think so."
SHN: "And so attractive! Blimey, she's really attractive. I'd never have believed she was your Mum!"
Me: (deadpan) "Yeah, that sort of thing usually skips a generation."
SHN: (oblivious) "Yeah! That's true! She's so great!"
Be proud of me. I waited till I was back upstairs to pee myself laughing and mock him on the Internet. XD
SHN: "Oh! I met your Mum! She's really nice, isn't she!"
Me: "Yep. I think so."
SHN: "And so attractive! Blimey, she's really attractive. I'd never have believed she was your Mum!"
Me: (deadpan) "Yeah, that sort of thing usually skips a generation."
SHN: (oblivious) "Yeah! That's true! She's so great!"
Be proud of me. I waited till I was back upstairs to pee myself laughing and mock him on the Internet. XD
Ran into Shiny-Headed Neighbour while coming back from a dogwalk just now. He ran into my mother in the hallway when she came to visit during Blogathon (thank you Mum!) and he was massively taken with her, as is everyone who ever meets her. So naturally, he had to tell me all about it.
SHN: "Oh! I met your Mum! She's really nice, isn't she!"
Me: "Yep. I think so."
SHN: "And so attractive! Blimey, she's really attractive. I'd never have believed she was your Mum!"
Me: (deadpan) "Yeah, that sort of thing usually skips a generation."
SHN: (oblivious) "Yeah! That's true! She's so great!"
Be proud of me. I waited till I was back upstairs to pee myself laughing and mock him on the Internet. XD
SHN: "Oh! I met your Mum! She's really nice, isn't she!"
Me: "Yep. I think so."
SHN: "And so attractive! Blimey, she's really attractive. I'd never have believed she was your Mum!"
Me: (deadpan) "Yeah, that sort of thing usually skips a generation."
SHN: (oblivious) "Yeah! That's true! She's so great!"
Be proud of me. I waited till I was back upstairs to pee myself laughing and mock him on the Internet. XD
Dear Shiny-Headed OCD Clean Freak Down The Hall,
I appreciate that you like our communal hallway to be clean. So do I. But can you stop fucking repeatedly flooding the fucking building with neat fucking bleach? There are fucking pools of it all down the corridor, walking down there made my sodding eyes sting and even my fucking flat stinks of it now from the dogs tracking it in. And they really fucking hate having their feet washed, too. Go live at the public swimming pool if the smell of chlorine gets you off that much, for fuck's sake.
Hoping you choke on the fumes,
Your Neighbour.
Dear Overfriendly Lady In The Next Building,
Exchanging pleasantries with you on a dog walk doesn't mean I want to be your new bestest friend. I didn't even tell you where I lived, and there you were ringing my doorbell which is disturbing enough. Also, I don't mind lending you the odd bit of tobacco but why on earth would you ask a more or less complete stranger to lend you money? The answer is NO, and it's always going to be no however many times you ask. And you can't buy a kitten off me either, firstly because I don't sell animals, secondly because continually asking me for money does not fill me with confidence about your ability to look after said kitten properly, and thirdly because you have small children and I don't trust you to be the sort of mother who can successfully train them not to torment it.
Sincerely not yours,
Liz and the kittens
I appreciate that you like our communal hallway to be clean. So do I. But can you stop fucking repeatedly flooding the fucking building with neat fucking bleach? There are fucking pools of it all down the corridor, walking down there made my sodding eyes sting and even my fucking flat stinks of it now from the dogs tracking it in. And they really fucking hate having their feet washed, too. Go live at the public swimming pool if the smell of chlorine gets you off that much, for fuck's sake.
Hoping you choke on the fumes,
Your Neighbour.
Dear Overfriendly Lady In The Next Building,
Exchanging pleasantries with you on a dog walk doesn't mean I want to be your new bestest friend. I didn't even tell you where I lived, and there you were ringing my doorbell which is disturbing enough. Also, I don't mind lending you the odd bit of tobacco but why on earth would you ask a more or less complete stranger to lend you money? The answer is NO, and it's always going to be no however many times you ask. And you can't buy a kitten off me either, firstly because I don't sell animals, secondly because continually asking me for money does not fill me with confidence about your ability to look after said kitten properly, and thirdly because you have small children and I don't trust you to be the sort of mother who can successfully train them not to torment it.
Sincerely not yours,
Liz and the kittens
I have one neighbour on my floor - I'll call him Cheery Bald Neighbour - who, every single time he sees me, says two things during the course of the conversation.
( In which I rant at length about my neighbour's annoying habits )
Also, I'm 90% certain that he was the perpetrator of Lake Domestos last week. The stairwell still smells faintly like a public swimming pool.
( In which I rant at length about my neighbour's annoying habits )
Also, I'm 90% certain that he was the perpetrator of Lake Domestos last week. The stairwell still smells faintly like a public swimming pool.
I have one neighbour on my floor - I'll call him Cheery Bald Neighbour - who, every single time he sees me, says two things during the course of the conversation.
( In which I rant at length about my neighbour's annoying habits )
Also, I'm 90% certain that he was the perpetrator of Lake Domestos last week. The stairwell still smells faintly like a public swimming pool.
( In which I rant at length about my neighbour's annoying habits )
Also, I'm 90% certain that he was the perpetrator of Lake Domestos last week. The stairwell still smells faintly like a public swimming pool.
Grr. Some fucking obsessive clean freak in this building flooded the lower stairwell with what smelled like neat bleach. It's lying on the floor in pools, and just walking through made my eyes water and my nose run. No way to avoid the dogs walking in it on the way out and back. I just sponged all their paws off in case it burns or they want to lick them, which Spike heartily disliked.
Spike has taken to sleeping pressed against the door of the cat room. His is a pure and slightly creepy love. Cassie did come out to say hello to him yesterday when I fed her, though.
Kittens later. My sister's lovely bloke came over on the way back from visiting Mum last night and drove me to Grimmauld Place and back so I didn't need to walk it. Joy! He also took a short video of the kittens on his new camcorder (their excuse was that they'd want it to take baby videos, but I know my sister - any excuse to buy nice toys!) We didn't have the software to upload it straight to my HD but he's promised to email it soonest.
It's colder and cloudy today; looks like rain. Maybe even that thunderstorm I hear rumours about. More joy!
Oh, and my fucking kitchen tap is broken! It's not just dripping, it's unstoppably, noisily trickling. Must ring Council before I lose my last remaining marbles.
Spike has taken to sleeping pressed against the door of the cat room. His is a pure and slightly creepy love. Cassie did come out to say hello to him yesterday when I fed her, though.
Kittens later. My sister's lovely bloke came over on the way back from visiting Mum last night and drove me to Grimmauld Place and back so I didn't need to walk it. Joy! He also took a short video of the kittens on his new camcorder (their excuse was that they'd want it to take baby videos, but I know my sister - any excuse to buy nice toys!) We didn't have the software to upload it straight to my HD but he's promised to email it soonest.
It's colder and cloudy today; looks like rain. Maybe even that thunderstorm I hear rumours about. More joy!
Oh, and my fucking kitchen tap is broken! It's not just dripping, it's unstoppably, noisily trickling. Must ring Council before I lose my last remaining marbles.
Tags:
Grr. Some fucking obsessive clean freak in this building flooded the lower stairwell with what smelled like neat bleach. It's lying on the floor in pools, and just walking through made my eyes water and my nose run. No way to avoid the dogs walking in it on the way out and back. I just sponged all their paws off in case it burns or they want to lick them, which Spike heartily disliked.
Spike has taken to sleeping pressed against the door of the cat room. His is a pure and slightly creepy love. Cassie did come out to say hello to him yesterday when I fed her, though.
Kittens later. My sister's lovely bloke came over on the way back from visiting Mum last night and drove me to Grimmauld Place and back so I didn't need to walk it. Joy! He also took a short video of the kittens on his new camcorder (their excuse was that they'd want it to take baby videos, but I know my sister - any excuse to buy nice toys!) We didn't have the software to upload it straight to my HD but he's promised to email it soonest.
It's colder and cloudy today; looks like rain. Maybe even that thunderstorm I hear rumours about. More joy!
Oh, and my fucking kitchen tap is broken! It's not just dripping, it's unstoppably, noisily trickling. Must ring Council before I lose my last remaining marbles.
Spike has taken to sleeping pressed against the door of the cat room. His is a pure and slightly creepy love. Cassie did come out to say hello to him yesterday when I fed her, though.
Kittens later. My sister's lovely bloke came over on the way back from visiting Mum last night and drove me to Grimmauld Place and back so I didn't need to walk it. Joy! He also took a short video of the kittens on his new camcorder (their excuse was that they'd want it to take baby videos, but I know my sister - any excuse to buy nice toys!) We didn't have the software to upload it straight to my HD but he's promised to email it soonest.
It's colder and cloudy today; looks like rain. Maybe even that thunderstorm I hear rumours about. More joy!
Oh, and my fucking kitchen tap is broken! It's not just dripping, it's unstoppably, noisily trickling. Must ring Council before I lose my last remaining marbles.
Tags:
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