Black Doggerel

Conversation with one of Spike and Squish's friends in the park, while playing ball. Friend is a small blond boy (eight? ten?) with engaging manners and an adorable grin - one of our favourites, and one of the ones that never needs told twice not to wave sticks around Spike etc. He even remembers without being told that Spike can't have tennis balls, and refrained from teasing him with the tennis ball he had in his pocket today.

Boy: *explains to me how the rubber band around his wrist is there to ward off bad luck*
Me: My friend and I have a theory that dog pee wards off zombie attacks. That's why they have to stop and pee on every single thing; they're keeping us safe.
Boy: Ha! I'll help. *brandishes toy gun*
Then he grinned suddenly, and said: "I'll be safe when the zombies attack, anyhow. I've got no brains."

Kid, if you were thirty years older I'd marry you.

Dear Local Kiddies,

Spike loves you, and I am gratified that you see him 200 yards away and come running to play with him. It makes him very happy.

But I can't stress this enough: DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN COLLIE WITH STICKS. You won't find the fun and games nearly so much fun when he takes one of your little sticky fingers off, or worse, he chokes on a stick and I rip your livers out to feed to my cats.

I would say "I won't tell you again", except I am apparently doomed to have to tell you repeatedly until we move away or one of us DIES.

Ambivalent love,

Liz, Happy Fun Collie and The Quiet Cute Licky One.