Black Doggerel

so yesterday afternoon, I am playing a particularly vigorous, cathartic tug game with Mr Evil Sharkbastard Collie, and he nails me a beauty across the back of the hand. There's a tendon that runs from the back of your middle finger over your knuckle and into your hand; he got me right on that. His teeth are blunt and Spike injuries are crush/bash ones rather than pointy, but the skin across my knuckle is split. Not bitten open, just split from hitting the tooth. Spent two hours holding an icepack on it, which is probably the only reason I can still type. Ow.

So then I take them out again in the evening, as I do. Spike is feeling all bumptious because I am refusing to play tug with him. We're on the little green patch outside the flats, and he sees a plastic bottle that we had a spontaneous fetch game with yesterday. He lunges, grabs it, and starts bouncing up and down around my legs by way of suggesting another game. I probably would have gone for it if he hadn't tripped me. I came down like a ton of bricks on the asphalt path and had to spend half the night with more icepacks on both knees and elbows. Still limping a bit today.

I love my dog, but ow.

Ow. Spike bites are usually crushing bruising injuries without breaking the skin, on account of his blunted teeth, but I guess he caught my thumb with one of the sharp edges. Bleeding like a very bleedy thing and hurts to type.

I wonder how many repetitions of "squeal like a scalded pig and immediately become very boring" it will actually take to get him to be a bit more fucking careful? Four years on, he's only marginally better than the obnoxious mouthy puppy I adopted. I look down at my hands and I can see physical evidence of four different tuggy errors just from the past week.

I love that dog so fucking much :D

In other news, my neighbours are smoking weed again and I am fighting the urge to go knock on the door and beg them for some. If I had any money left I might knock and ask to buy enough for a joint (I never want more than that anyway) but I won't ask people for something for nothing, even if I thought they'd say yes - especially if I thought they'd say yes. I have my pride.

...maybe I'll go lie on the floor in the hallway at the bottom of their door and just take deep breaths...

OK, I know I have a slight fantasy pirate fixation. And I know Border Collies are extraordinarily perceptive, eager to please dogs.

Now can someone explain to Spike that putting my eye out with a dead branch is above and beyond the call of verisimilitude?

OW OW OWWWWWWWW FUCKING OWWWWWWWW.

Note to self: people with big boobs should not hold tuggy too close to their chests.

If he'd bitten just a teensy bit harder I'd be the Amazing One-Nippled LJer.

Bastard dog.