Black Doggerel

What with one thing and another, I am getting either no sleep, or sleeping like a zombie at the stupidest times, so that this afternoon's pet food delivery woke me, and I had to scurry to put my teeth in while the nice blonde who brings me dead mice and green tripe languished on the doorstep. Then after she left, I put my hand to my neck and felt... something. I looked in the mirror and found myself covered with dried melted chocolate from chin to clavicle. It was only one small piece that had escaped from my bedtime nibble stash, but oh, how it had spread. I looked like I'd been mud wrestling. That would be an immensely fun thing to do with... never mind.

I'm getting past my slump. You can tell because I am posting, I am no longer invisible on AIM, I hoovered last night (actually, at 10am this morning, but I hadn't gone to bed yet) and I am horny almost past the point of endurance. Unfortunately, ( Cut for girl part TMI )

This, too, shall pass. Soon. Please.

There's been a bloke emailing me for ages, since he saw my profile on the naked sauna chatroom - basically along the lines of "I have a big hard cock and will you be there this weekend?" It started while Mum was in hospital and although I stopped replying a while ago I kept getting the odd message along the same lines.

The latest one, CC'd to a whole bunch of naked sauna swingers, was a bit more amusing, though:

"Hi all of you
For your information - ******* **** is 55, definitely married and crap in bed.
I should know - I am his wife
Regards
****** ****"

PWNED!


*snrk*

Oh joy! Happy fun fireworks again! Oh, I do so enjoy watching my dog shaking like a leaf and trying to fold himself into non-existence every few minutes!

He came and plastered himself to my legs while I was in the bathroom and I gave him some Rescue Remedy. Note to self - don't do that while sitting on toilet. I had the lid off the bottle (because the lid incorporates the useful little dropper-thingy necessary to get the magic juice past his clenched teeth) and spilled about a third of what was left onto the floor, where every animal in the house except the one I wanted to give it to fought to lick it up.

I didn't let them - that stuff's like pure grain alcohol. The last thing I need here is drunk kitten zoomies. The flat's quite trashed enough as it is thanks.

Thank [higher power of your choice] I'm not likely to get any happy little candy-bandits on sugar-highs yowling outside my door tonight. There are advantages to being a mad single cat lady with scary loud dogs in an apartment block full of stoners, drunks and men who look like serial killers. I love this place.