Black Doggerel

First off, who hasn't heard the greatness that is Squeeze? You really, really should.

...second, my father leaves the country tomorrow. A little less than two weeks isn't a long time to build bridges over thirty-odd years of anger, misunderstanding, stubbornness, resentment and generally getting each other wrong, but we seem to have done pretty well. It helps that he's mellowed a great deal and I'm no longer a rebellious teenager. As I said to a friend afterwards - on the one hand, I feel a great sadness for all those years without him, but on the other hand, if there hadn't been those years, it's entirely possible that the old resentments could have solidified into something we couldn't break through or get over. I think we needed the time apart from each other, though I question whether we needed quite so much of it.

He'll be back in the spring. I can't wait.

I'm still reading everyone. I haven't gone anywhere. I'm just... rather drained and it's made me retreat into myself and go quiet. So I'm sorry for not commenting. I do love you.

I usually try and pick an icon that connects in some way to the post's content. I'm still rewatching B5 - I'm up to the end of season four now and just coming to a lot of my own favourite episodes, but really, that icon's just there because I've never used it before and it makes me happy.

And now a meme. kiss_kass did it first.
( But mine is sillier. )

...Dog photos tomorrow.

"I have heard this before. And I have stopped listening. There comes a time when you look into the mirror, and you realise that what you see is all that you will ever be. Then you accept it, or you kill yourself.

Or you stop looking into mirrors."


- Londo Mollari


I am not dead and do not plan to be any time soon. Though I could add that there are no mirrors in my flat either.


bizarrely, immersing myself in Supernatural has increased my fannishness all round and started me rewatching babylon 5, partly for the thematic elements it has in common with Supernatural but mostly just because I love the characters.

and also rewatching Farscape, which Supernatural does not remind me of at all but I never need a reason nor an excuse to watch farscape.

I really wanted to write an intelligent fangirly post about all three, and particularly (for fs_rewatch) about watching someone else's reaction to the first time of seeing Farscape, which is a particularly joyous experience.

but I have had the headache from hell for the best part of a week now and I can only manage articulacy in short bursts. bleh.

Three things have made me cry this morning.

The first: I know (because I've had this conversation with a few of my geekier friends) that I'm not the only one who looks to fandom for parallels to life, love, "real" people and relationships, the universe and everything. I suppose it's reassuring to know it's not a form of mental illness - or at least that it's not a brand new one. Watching the last season of Babylon 5 the week before the anniversary of John's death brought a parallel to mind that I'd never thought of before, and also brings Neal's Marcus quote to mind:
"Wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair? And all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them. So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
(Edited to add: Don't mistake that for me whining about the things that have happened to me. What you're seeing is my profound, eternal gratitude that I haven't had the fortune I deserve.)

The second: Mitch Benn's tribute to John Peel. Because I was another one who stayed up late recording new songs off the radio, and a good half of the music that keeps me going was music I'd have never heard if not for Peel.

The third: The realisation that I only get like this when I'm pre-menstrual, and will therefore probably be bleeding all weekend instead of getting shagged half to death at the naked sauna. Even my own reproductive system is against me.

Am having one of my incommunicado days. I think I needed a rest. Have spent the day watching Spooks and about fourteen episodes of Babylon 5, in between walking dogs and watching cats play hockey, swingball and colliebaiting. It's been good.

Took both dogs to the park, and watched Squish out of the corner of my eye while I played with Spike. He didn't yap for the ball and he had that far away look in his eyes - it was hard to get his attention even on-leash, so I did the smart thing and left him that way. Of course then I felt guilty for not letting him run when it was so clearly all he wanted, but... what can you do? Can't win either way. Maybe tomorrow.

Am I the only person who likes the fifth season of B5 the best, by the way? All the monumental, messianic stuff and tedious Battles of Good and Evil over with, and we can concentrate on the politics and diplomacy and spies and really fun stuff. I also have a thing for Captain Lochley. Pity about Byron, though - by which I mean it's a pity he existed.

Tomorrow I'll talk to people. Tonight - it's cat-locking-up time and then it's Day of the Dead. Yayyy!

Spike has begun to initiate playfights with Cassie when she's sprawled on her back. He's rather tentative about it; he's not yet certain of his ability to read her accurately and he has scars on his nose. She actually quite enjoys it when she's in the mood - nosepoke, batbat, nosepoke, wag, batbat, tail-lashing, nosepoke.

Squish and Cassie continue to have fun with the competitive flyhunting.

And Cassie has taken to joining me for baths. I was a bit surprised while washing my hair today to suddenly feel a warm furry thing leaning on my shoulder. Neither of the dogs will come near the bath when there's water running, even though I haven't bathed them in over two years now. I really thought Cassie was going to jump in. Toes under water are apparently the most fascinating thing she's ever seen.

...in other news, it's still hot, I still feel like shit on a stick, and I'm alternately watching Babylon 5 and trying to store up some extra sleep to carry me through Blogathon on Saturday/Sunday.

Watched Deathstalker this morning, and found myself musing on the fantasy/sci-fi McGuffin of McGuffins, the old immortality elixir. I'm always a bit bemused at people wanting it so much, myself. I mean, an eternity of boredom and stagnation never seemed like a good bargain to me. Talk about the long, dark teatime of the soul - but it also occurred to me that I'd probably lie, cheat, steal and do harm to obtain the anti-aging drug, not for myself but for my pets. I think I'd happily trade my soul to give the Monochrome Mob eighty-year lifespans.

"Immortality is only for the dogs; I wonder how they can stand it?

*snerk*

Am reading the first of a trilogy topbit lent me, a B5 spinoff about Technomages. (Casting Shadows by Jeanne Cavelos, if anyone wants to know. It's good.)

The book goes into somewhat more detail about the Technomages' abilities than the series ever did, and one of the things they can do is mentally message each other. It's described rather like an email... the message arrives in the brain, and the recipient has to think about it to open it. I caught myself wishing I could do that; and then I realised that if I could I would just be sending so much porn spam!

Bad Liz. Down, girl!

Nicked from faith_of_borg
( Meme cut for width )

urgh...

Spike woke me at six o'clock barking his head off at nothing, so I watched two more B5 episodes (in which the poncy telepath blew himself up, yay!) and then went back to sleep, only to be woken again at nine by Spike barking again, this time while sitting on my head. That'll teach me not to take them out, I guess - though it was peeing with rain all day...

Then, when I let them out to pee he bounced up to the top of the fence to hang there by his armpits barking at something I couldn't see... it looked particularly bizarre, since he did this on the only fence panel left standing between our garden and next door's. Squish, meanwhile, took advantage of Spike's sturm und drang to sneak a crap at the bottom of next door's garden. Having to go out in my nightie to pick up dog turds is never a good way to wake up in the morning, but it had to be done - I figure if our garden looks like a minefield that's my problem, but I can't very well inflict it on next door...

B5 - Day of the Dead. Watched it this morning.

I was, frankly, a little freaked out. The moment when Londo turned around and saw Adira there was hard to take - it's impossible not to put myself into that situation. What the hell would I say, after all these years? "I had the person responsible killed" - er, no, considering that would be me... Not to mention that I barely survived losing you once. Twice would finish me off for good. Even I'm not that tough.

And if that wasn't enough, Captain Lochley turns out to have lived a chunk of my life as well... Mike and I spent nine months in that burned-out hotel. Ours was called the Hazelwood - they've finished off the demolition and built a block of flats on it now. It was actually pretty good, as junkie-infested squats go - only the ground floor was gutted, once you negotiated the stairs (which could get tricky with the missing places and the holes in the floor) it was still full of all the old hotel stuff - mattresses, bedding, Gideon bibles by the hundred - and it was a lovely old building, too, full of hiding places and little balconies and a really nice, overgrown garden. We once had a bonfire and barbecue out there and every junkie for miles around turned up... one of the good days. I never let myself remember the bad ones.

Nibbled to death by cats walking over my grave at the hour of scampering, that's what. I badly need a dose of the present day, please...

Edit: Squish is on one of his melancholy-howling kicks, too. Either he's reading my mind or he's complaining about the rain. He kind of wants to go outside - he hasn't had a crap yet this morning - but he doesn't want to go badly enough to get rained on yet. Daft dog.